This week we talked about divorce, and coming from a family where there have been multiple divorces, most of the things that we talked about seem familiar to me. My mom's parents were divorced and remarried. My parents were divorced a few years ago. The divorce that my parents went through wasnt like the typical divorce where a couple fights and isn't willing to work things out. My father got in a lot of trouble with the law and my mom was actually counseled to divorce him because of the circumstances. I know it has been said that those who come from divoreced families have a greater chance of being divorced themselves, but I want to be different. I know that marriage is hard work and that there will be problems, but I feel like i have the knowledge and resources to work through the issues that arise during marriage. It has been a huge benefit to attend counseling as a family and there have been so many things that I have learned in my Family Relations class that help me feel like I have a head start.
Even though it has been hard on our family with the absence of a father and husband in our life, it has been good to grow closer together now. We have been able to adjust out family system, and each day we are learning new ways to improve our situation. We have had a first-hand example of things that we should and should do that we can learn from for the future. It is so important to watch and learn from those before you. Follow the good and change the undesirable.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Saturday, December 7, 2013
It Goes Both Ways
There are many different types of parenting. One of the types of parenting is "Active Parenting" and this type is one of the best ways to raise your children. Communication is key to having a good and healthy relationships. There are five steps that you can do to be an active communicator.
1. Listen actively
2. Respond to Feelings
3. Look for alternatives to issues/ evaluate consequences
4. Offer Encouragement
5. Follow up Later
When you are active and involved in your childrens lives, they will feel greater love and support from you. One of the biggest things that both children and parents long for is the acceptance of each other.
Parenting is for the parents to learn just as much or more than the children. It is a two-way relationship. Many parents think that they deserve respect from children and although children do need to respect parents, (and everyone) children need to be respected too! Heavenly Father sends his children to down to parents and it is such a privilege to raise them.
1. Listen actively
2. Respond to Feelings
3. Look for alternatives to issues/ evaluate consequences
4. Offer Encouragement
5. Follow up Later
When you are active and involved in your childrens lives, they will feel greater love and support from you. One of the biggest things that both children and parents long for is the acceptance of each other.
Parenting is for the parents to learn just as much or more than the children. It is a two-way relationship. Many parents think that they deserve respect from children and although children do need to respect parents, (and everyone) children need to be respected too! Heavenly Father sends his children to down to parents and it is such a privilege to raise them.
Knowledge Is Never Wasted
This week we read an article by Dennis Prager titled, Does a Full-Time Homemaker Swap Her Mind for a Mop? and I loved it! I totally agree that a woman's education is not wasted in the home. There are so many things that we are learning and doing to prepare for having a family of our own. It takes a lot of work to be a mother and I know that the more schooling I get, the more prepared I will be to get married and have children. I learn something new every time I attend class and it is so great! I want to be educated and help my children become more educated in the things that they are learning. My mom didn't attend college and when I needed help with more complex homework, it was hard because she wasn't sure how to hlep. I know that many of us forget the little things that we learn, but the life lessons that are learned while attending college are more valuable than we realize. The more we know, the more we can teach.
I want my kids to grow up loving to learn new things and the education and knowledge I gain will be very important in this happening.
When children have questions, we can share with them what we already know and then do more research with them about their question to get a better understanding. There is always something to be learned no matter our age. We should be continually learning and sharing our knowledge with others.
Parents learn so much from children and I know that it is a privilege to be a mother!
In D&C 130:18 it reads, "Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection."
What a blessing it is to know that when we are resurrected, we will have all the knowledge that we have worked for here on earth. Everything we learn will benefit us at one point or another.
I want my kids to grow up loving to learn new things and the education and knowledge I gain will be very important in this happening.
When children have questions, we can share with them what we already know and then do more research with them about their question to get a better understanding. There is always something to be learned no matter our age. We should be continually learning and sharing our knowledge with others.
Parents learn so much from children and I know that it is a privilege to be a mother!
In D&C 130:18 it reads, "Whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection."
What a blessing it is to know that when we are resurrected, we will have all the knowledge that we have worked for here on earth. Everything we learn will benefit us at one point or another.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
More Heads Are Better Than One
While discussing counseling in councils we started out by talking about how the General Authorities of the LDS church go about meeting together. There are 5 specific things that they do each time they meet.
1. They show up early to express their love for one another
2. They open with prayer to invite the Spirit to guide them throughout their meeting
3. They discuss a topic keeping the Lord's will above
4. They close with prayer thanking Heavenly Father for the experience and asking for strength to carry through what they have made a decision about
5. They share refreshments together
Each of these things are done for a certain purpose and are a big part of each meeting. Could you imagine how much love there would be in a conversation if you first took the time to express your love for those that you are talking with? I feel and know that conversations would run a lot smoother if there was sincere love expressed before the meeting.
Asking for the Lord's guidance is something that will bring the Spirit and help the conversation go in the direction that is best.
When we keep the Lord's will in mind during conversations, we will have a much greater chance of making the right decision.
Closing with prayer is a great way to express gratitude and ask for strength to carry out the decisions or consensus that has come about through meeting.
Sharing refreshments together is more of an informal way to spend time together and once again express love for those around you.
If we are more thoughtful about counseling with our family's in a more sacred way, it will bring peace and love to our homes. There are decisions to be made quite often, and it is important to use our knowledge to the best that we can so that we will be able to make the right decision.
1. They show up early to express their love for one another
2. They open with prayer to invite the Spirit to guide them throughout their meeting
3. They discuss a topic keeping the Lord's will above
4. They close with prayer thanking Heavenly Father for the experience and asking for strength to carry through what they have made a decision about
5. They share refreshments together
Each of these things are done for a certain purpose and are a big part of each meeting. Could you imagine how much love there would be in a conversation if you first took the time to express your love for those that you are talking with? I feel and know that conversations would run a lot smoother if there was sincere love expressed before the meeting.
Asking for the Lord's guidance is something that will bring the Spirit and help the conversation go in the direction that is best.
When we keep the Lord's will in mind during conversations, we will have a much greater chance of making the right decision.
Closing with prayer is a great way to express gratitude and ask for strength to carry out the decisions or consensus that has come about through meeting.
Sharing refreshments together is more of an informal way to spend time together and once again express love for those around you.
If we are more thoughtful about counseling with our family's in a more sacred way, it will bring peace and love to our homes. There are decisions to be made quite often, and it is important to use our knowledge to the best that we can so that we will be able to make the right decision.
Stress Doesn't Have To Be A Mess
While talking about Stress and Family Crisis, it is important to define the following terms.
Stress: a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances
Stressor: whatever is causing stress
Crisis: a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger
We all experience times in our life where we feel stressed. There are many different types of stressors like
Stress: a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances
Stressor: whatever is causing stress
Crisis: a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger
We all experience times in our life where we feel stressed. There are many different types of stressors like
- The loss of a job
- Divorce
- Loss of a loved one
- Illness
- Drugs
- Wayward family members
- Finances
- Natural Disasters
- Etc.
These stressors cause crises and can take a toll on a family. I have learned that even though these stressors are hard to deal with and can take time to understand and heal from, they are the greatest lessons to learn from. I love the quote by Leon Brown that says, "You may suffer many defeats in this life, but you will not be defeated. You will rise after each trial stronger and wiser."
When we realize that there will be stress in life and that we can make it through hard times, we are more likely to deal with hard times in a healthy way. There are many different ways of respondeing to hard times, but it all depends on your attitude. One of the biggest stressors in my life was the loss of my father. I reacted differently than other family members and it has been a blessing to see how much I learned. Instead of being down on myself and staying in that mentality, I looked forward to making life better and doing what I could for it to be that way. It was a hard time and still is sometimes, but I have grown more than I thought was ever possible.
When we have the Lord on our side, we will be able to make it through any of the stress or crises that come our way!
The Longer You Wait, The Better It Will Be
When people first thing about sex, they think of it as a negative thing. This is especailly true for LDS youth. It is so confusing to be told no, no, no, then get married and be told yes, yes, yes. When sex is had at the right time, it is one of the most sacred things. We have been commanded to multiply and replenish the earth and so it is crucial that it is done at the right time and after counseling with the Lord.
There are many people that have a hard time addressing sexuality with their children and I think this brings more issues than they think it will. Kids are exposed to sexuality at a young age, and it is important to talk to them and clarify things. When they are educated, they are less likely to be curious explore things that you may not want them to explore yet. When you educate your children and do what you can to earn their trust, they will be able to come to you for answers to questions that they will have.
I dont have children of my own yet, and I am still learning ways to talk to them about this subject, but I know that it is a topic that needs to be addressed. Sex is a sacred process that needs to be taken more seriously.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Together We Are Better
There are many things that a husband can do to stay involved in their child's life. One of the best things that can prepare a husband and wife for this is for them to Learn
and Discover together. When a husband and wife and working together in
the things that they are doing each day, it will make it easier to carry
throughout the marriage as opposed to if they weren't doing things together.
This will establish a good pattern of equality throughout the marriage. When
issues arise, it is crucial to be humble and teachable to suggestions so that together couples can improve their
marriage. Another important thing is to keep
the husband involved with appointments before
and after the baby is born. When he is there, he is able to learn and
understand more of what is going on whether it is thoughts, feelings, concerns,
etc. When the child is born, I think that it is super important for the husband
to be there and as involved as possible. Even though the woman is giving birth,
there are many things that the husband can be doing to support her and help
things run smoother. After the child is born, it is common for tasks to
increase and time between husband and wife to decrease. Couples need to make sure they are
spending quality time together whenever possible. Another thing that the
father can do is to make
time to connect with the child. Whether it is coming home from work and
playing with him/her, taking them to run errands, or doing whatever is
available, this time together will strengthen their relationship and establish
trust between them. When this healthy relationship is established early, it is
more likely to carry on throughout life.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Is this Love?
This week we discussed many factors of dating and finding an eternal partner. The concept that stood out to me most was the 3 P's of dating. They are Planned, Paid for, and Paired off. These are super important for dating and finding the one that you can spend eternity with. We related these P's to the 3 P's in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, which are Preside, Provide, Protect. When the man plans a date it can be related to presiding over the family and having plans for the future which is so important to a family. A date being paid for shows signs that he can provide. It doesn't meant that he always will, but it is a sign and if he is consistently providing for you then that will most likely continue on in the marriage. Paired off gives the guys a reason to protect that girl for the date. It shows that they are loyal to each other for that date and that he is there to watch over and protect her.
If these 3 P's are consistently happening while dating, they will most likely carry on through the marriage.
The next concept that we talked about was the "Kno- Quo"
These are things that you should do while looking to marry someone. The three T's are, Togetherness, Talk, and Time. You wont truly know somebody without doing all three of these things, and even then you may not know them completely, but you will be able to know more than you would without the three T's. It is so important to spend time together because that is one of the best ways that you will get to know them. While spending time with them, you should make conversation and talk about things that will be important to you personally and to both of you in the marriage. When things are talked about before getting married, it is a great way to avoid hard things later that may come up. Time goes along with both Togetherness and Talking. Love is shown through time and it means a lot when someone takes the time to hang out with you or talk to you. These are greats ways to really get to know somebody and will help you decide if they are the one that you can spend your life with through the eternities.
“Soul mates' are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.”
― Spencer W. Kimball
“How sweet is the assurance, how comforting is the peace that come from the knowledge that if we marry right and live right, our relationship will continue, notwithstanding the certainty of death and the passage of time. Men may write love songs and sing them. They may yearn and hope and dream. But all of this will be only a romantic longing unless there is an exercise of authority that transcends the powers of time and death.”
― Gordon B. Hinckley
If these 3 P's are consistently happening while dating, they will most likely carry on through the marriage.
The next concept that we talked about was the "Kno- Quo"
These are things that you should do while looking to marry someone. The three T's are, Togetherness, Talk, and Time. You wont truly know somebody without doing all three of these things, and even then you may not know them completely, but you will be able to know more than you would without the three T's. It is so important to spend time together because that is one of the best ways that you will get to know them. While spending time with them, you should make conversation and talk about things that will be important to you personally and to both of you in the marriage. When things are talked about before getting married, it is a great way to avoid hard things later that may come up. Time goes along with both Togetherness and Talking. Love is shown through time and it means a lot when someone takes the time to hang out with you or talk to you. These are greats ways to really get to know somebody and will help you decide if they are the one that you can spend your life with through the eternities.
“Soul mates' are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.”
― Spencer W. Kimball
“How sweet is the assurance, how comforting is the peace that come from the knowledge that if we marry right and live right, our relationship will continue, notwithstanding the certainty of death and the passage of time. Men may write love songs and sing them. They may yearn and hope and dream. But all of this will be only a romantic longing unless there is an exercise of authority that transcends the powers of time and death.”
― Gordon B. Hinckley
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Gender Matters
When I think about Gender Roles, I think about what it states in The Family: A Proclamation to the World. It states, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children." Even though there are these roles for mothers and fathers, I do believe that there are duties in the roles that the other gender may help out with. For example, there are times that the mother needs to go to work and the father stay home with the children. I don't think that this should be the first option, but there are times that the duties in parenting can be compromised. This is fine as long as both roles are being fulfilled.
When I think about myself growing up, I know that I was a tomboy. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that my older brother and I are 14 months apart and did everything together. I loved playing sports, playing video games with him, and looked forward to hanging out with him and his friends. I grew out of the tomboy phase, but there are times that I feel like it is so much easier to get along with the guys and do the things that they do. Being an older sister for my younger sisters, I have been more girly, and I have been able to understand more about the importance of my role as a woman. I cannot wait to be a mother and nurture my children. I know that we are all the gender that we are for a reason and that our Father in Heaven has a plan for each one of us.
I am proud to be a woman!
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Cultures.. Valid? Equal? Both?
This week we have been discussing our beliefs about cultures being valid and equal. I realized that after discussing and seeing more points of view, I don't believe what I used to. I used to think that because people are equal, that cultures are equal as well. I thought that even though cultures are different they are equal and valid. There are so many different things that make up cultures, they can't all be equal. It depends on what aspect you you refer to, but the one I would like to mention is education. There are many cultures that have better options and resources for education. Therefore, not all cultures are equal.
Validity...
Even though there are so many cultures that do things differently than others, they are all valid. Everyone has their own way of doing things. If one thinks that something is great, another may not see it like that. Everyone is different and does things for different reasons. When we take the time to understand more of why people do the things they do, it makes it easier to not judge. Even though it is not right, it is natural to judge and categorize people. The best part is that, in the end, it will ultimately be up to Heavenly Father to judge.
Validity...
Even though there are so many cultures that do things differently than others, they are all valid. Everyone has their own way of doing things. If one thinks that something is great, another may not see it like that. Everyone is different and does things for different reasons. When we take the time to understand more of why people do the things they do, it makes it easier to not judge. Even though it is not right, it is natural to judge and categorize people. The best part is that, in the end, it will ultimately be up to Heavenly Father to judge.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Do I have the right motives?
This week in our class we talked about Family Theories. It was super interesting to learn about the theories and relate them to my own life. After a lot of good changes, my family has been able to achieve a better systems theory. It has been cool to see everyone understand their role in the family and how much it influences the happiness in our home. When we are all fulfilling our part, it makes things run a lot smoother.
While we were talking about the the exchange theory, I thought a lot about how I used to be one of those people that always paid attention to whether I was receiving something in return. I found that a lot of the times, I wasn't happy. Even if I didn't think that I was doing things for the wrong motive (expecting something back), I was. I would bring up times that I did things for people and received nothing in return. I would think that I was always helping others and it was worthless. When I realized how selfish this was, I was heart broken. I really was. I had missed out on so many opportunities to serve those around me because I was too worried that I wouldn't receive anything in return. I have been able to work on this, and it has made serving a lot more fun and worthwhile. I absolutely love serving those around me just because. I know that we are all God's children and that He works through us. We need to make sure that we are willing and able to fulfill assignments that He wants us to accomplish. Being in the exchange theory is not the way to do this. We should simply do things for people because it is the right thing to do, not because we will receive something in return. I can say that, my motives are more clear and it makes life a lot easier and happier!
While we were talking about the the exchange theory, I thought a lot about how I used to be one of those people that always paid attention to whether I was receiving something in return. I found that a lot of the times, I wasn't happy. Even if I didn't think that I was doing things for the wrong motive (expecting something back), I was. I would bring up times that I did things for people and received nothing in return. I would think that I was always helping others and it was worthless. When I realized how selfish this was, I was heart broken. I really was. I had missed out on so many opportunities to serve those around me because I was too worried that I wouldn't receive anything in return. I have been able to work on this, and it has made serving a lot more fun and worthwhile. I absolutely love serving those around me just because. I know that we are all God's children and that He works through us. We need to make sure that we are willing and able to fulfill assignments that He wants us to accomplish. Being in the exchange theory is not the way to do this. We should simply do things for people because it is the right thing to do, not because we will receive something in return. I can say that, my motives are more clear and it makes life a lot easier and happier!
Saturday, September 28, 2013
To kid or not to kid?
This week we have been discussing birth rates, death rates, and how much children influence the environment. I would like to talk about why I think that people need to take a step back and realize the importance that children bring to the world. In "The Family: A Proclamation to the World", it states "The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force." We have been commanded by our God to have children. It is part of His plan and we have the responsibility in doing our part of His plan. A family is considered a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.
Now, once you start a family, how many kids should you have? First and foremost, I think there are many factors in how many children you should have. Are you physically able to have a child? Are you financially stable to provide the necessities? Are you emotionally healthy to have a child? Are you educated about having a child and all that it entails? There are many others as well. To keep the economy stable, the replacement rate is 2.13. That means that each family needs to have at least 2.13 children. It doesn't seem like that many children, but there are many who are refraining from having any children at all these days. I believe that it is our duty to have kids; we are commanded to, and we need them for the stability of the economy.
A lot of people have come up with many "reasons" not to have kids. I think that the majority of these "reasons" are excuses. Being commanded by our Heavenly Father to have children trumps the reasons not to have children. When God commands His children to do something, He will always provide a way. I know and have heard many stories about couples who didn't think that they could have children, and later they are able to. The Lord will always provide a way, even if you don't think that it is possible.
I love what Elder Neil L. Andersen says, ""As we look into the eyes of a child, we see a fellow son or daughter of God who stood with us in the premortal life. It is a crowning privilege of a husband and wife who are able to bear children to provide mortal bodies for these spirit children of God. We believe in families, and we believe in children.
When a child is born to a husband and wife, they are fulfilling part of our Heavenly Father’s plan to bring children to earth. The Lord said, “This is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” Before immortality, there must be mortality.
The family is ordained of God. Families are central to our Heavenly Father’s plan here on earth and through the eternities. After Adam and Eve were joined in marriage, the scripture reads, “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.” In our day prophets and apostles have declared, “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.” "
Have children and love them. Realize that they are children of God and that they have a purpose. If you are unable to have children of your own, look into adopting. I know that children are miracles and some of the greatest blessings we have.
Now, once you start a family, how many kids should you have? First and foremost, I think there are many factors in how many children you should have. Are you physically able to have a child? Are you financially stable to provide the necessities? Are you emotionally healthy to have a child? Are you educated about having a child and all that it entails? There are many others as well. To keep the economy stable, the replacement rate is 2.13. That means that each family needs to have at least 2.13 children. It doesn't seem like that many children, but there are many who are refraining from having any children at all these days. I believe that it is our duty to have kids; we are commanded to, and we need them for the stability of the economy.
A lot of people have come up with many "reasons" not to have kids. I think that the majority of these "reasons" are excuses. Being commanded by our Heavenly Father to have children trumps the reasons not to have children. When God commands His children to do something, He will always provide a way. I know and have heard many stories about couples who didn't think that they could have children, and later they are able to. The Lord will always provide a way, even if you don't think that it is possible.
I love what Elder Neil L. Andersen says, ""As we look into the eyes of a child, we see a fellow son or daughter of God who stood with us in the premortal life. It is a crowning privilege of a husband and wife who are able to bear children to provide mortal bodies for these spirit children of God. We believe in families, and we believe in children.
When a child is born to a husband and wife, they are fulfilling part of our Heavenly Father’s plan to bring children to earth. The Lord said, “This is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” Before immortality, there must be mortality.
The family is ordained of God. Families are central to our Heavenly Father’s plan here on earth and through the eternities. After Adam and Eve were joined in marriage, the scripture reads, “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.” In our day prophets and apostles have declared, “The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.” "
Have children and love them. Realize that they are children of God and that they have a purpose. If you are unable to have children of your own, look into adopting. I know that children are miracles and some of the greatest blessings we have.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Additional Blogs by Classmates
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• Alexis Priestly
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• Ally McClain
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• Amber Kranc
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• Annabel Detering
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• Bailey Baird
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• Caitlin Schofield
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• Candice Merrill
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• Cristel Carlini
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• Elisse Cook
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• Emily Hayes
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• Erica Arguello
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• Hailey Patera
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• Haley Lucas
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• Heather
Christensen
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• Janaya
L. Johnson
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• Jenney Premont
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• Julie Moss
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• Kayleena Johnston
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• Kaylonnie White
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• Kelsey Lawrence
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• Kelsey Murphy
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• Kody Daffer
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• Krystal Palmer
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• Laura Hudgins
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• Madeline Vance
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• McKayla Nicole
Hess
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• Michael Watts
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• Olivia Welch
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• Patrick Williams
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• Rachel Blaylock
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• Rachel Escobar
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• Sammi Scott
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• Tamara Handa
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• Tina Trepanier
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• Tod Flory
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Saturday, September 21, 2013
Welcome!
This is a blog that I am starting for my Family Relations class. I will be posting thoughts and feelings on here for people to read and think more about. Feel free to comment with your thoughts and ideas!
A little bit about me... my name is Ailli Brown and I am a student at BYU-Idaho. I love being up here in Rexburg, and continuing my education through this university. I was born and raised in Orem, Utah and love it there as well! I am so grateful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and love learning more about my Savior's plan for me. The family is central to the Plan of Salvation, and I am excited to learn more about how to have a happy and healthy family.
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